Iason Ouabache's Feeble Attempt at Art

The number one thing Christianity gets so wrong is this whole business of determinism.  They often repeat the mantra of "Everything happens for a reason" or "God's Got a Plan" or sing little songs like "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands".  This is the biggest thing I had a problem with when I was still a Christian.  As a philosophy it completely denies the very existence of Chaos.  Everything has a reason or a purpose.  Nothing is out of place, nothing is superfluous.  Every part does something.  They use these little sayings as a security blanket to protect themselves from reality. They want Someone Else to be in control.  They want it all to make sense on some cosmic level. They want their narrative where Good eventually triumphs over Evil. 

Well, guess what.  The Universe doesn't give a fuck what we want. The word "purpose" is a literary fiction.  It's a grid that we place on our own reality to help us sleep at night.  We decide the purpose of something, not God. There is no Cause. There is no Effect. Everything is probabilistic. Whatever happens, happens. Whatever doesn't happen, doesn't.

The problem is that they can't see the glory in being a happy little accident of the cosmos.  The odds are incredibly stacked against you ever existing, and yet you are still here.  The powers of CHAOS and ORDER conspired to bring you where you are today.  It's not God who has you in His Hands, it's Eris.

CF finally came back on and it looks like they only had a few bugs that need kinked out.  I'm still going to move this post over since I don't trust them.  I have a feeling that their Non-Christian Religions section is about to go to the crapper.  If so, I'm never going back.  Anyways, without further ado, one of the better Discordian pieces I've ever written (which isn't saying much).  It's my own little version of Discordianism and what it means to me. Or, at least what it meant to me at the time.  I need to seriously update it at some point.  Enjoy:

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Official decree by Pope Iason Ouabache the Obscure, Holy Disorder of Dialectic Chao Tippers.

I have had many people over the last several months ask me about Discordianism so I will do my best to answer all questions here. I know that many consider it to be a parody religion but I will try to show that it can be used as a valid set of religious beliefs.

To start, here is my official definition of Discordianism:
Discordianism is a syncretism of Rinzai Buddhism, Taoism, and Neopaganism with emphasis on Chaos theory, subjectivism, Absurdism, and individualism.

I know what you are thinking, "Gee, Pope Iason, that sounds like a lot of word salad. Can I get some poppyseed dressing to go with that? When will the soup be served" Well, I shall go through all of the tougher words and show how they fit together. And personally, I like ranch dressing better.

Discordianism is a true melting pot religion. Or it use one of my favorite words, it is an amalgam. It is Grab-Bagism. It melds many beliefs from varied religions and philosophical systems. A more well-known syncretism would be Unitarian Universalism.

From Rinzai Buddhism it has taken the importances of seeking enlightenment through the use of koans (a short story or saying that contains an apparent paradox). Here is one of the more famous Discordian koans.
From Taoism, Discordians have taken the idea of dialectical monism. That is the belief in the dualistic nature of the universe. Discordians view the forces of CHAOS and ORDER as the predominate ones in the universe. It is characterized by this symbol, the Sacred Chao:


From NeoPaganism, Discordians have snatched the idea of the Goddess. ERIS is the mother of all chaos, discord, and strife. I see her as both a creator and destroyer. I will point out that unlike other Discordians, I view ANERIS, the ruler of all order, as a male god not as Eris's sister.

Now for the harder terms. From Chaos theory, Discordians believe that all of the universe is made of Chaos. Everything is changing constantly. In the words of Heraclitus the Obscure, "You could not step twice into the same river; for other waters are ever flowing on to you."
Subjectivism is the view that perception is reality, and that there is no underlying, true reality that exists independent of perception.
Absurdism is a philosophy based on the belief that the universe is irrational and meaningless and that the search for order brings the individual into conflict with the universe. Any order that we see does not really exist outside of our mind. It is just our brain placing grids over reality so that we may perceive relatedness. Therefore, we should not take any religion too seriously. We are all just whistling in the dark here anyways.
From individualism, Discordians have taken the view that each person should be their own religious authority. You alone are responsible for your beliefs. You are your own Pope. Believe in whatever you want to belief because you are not responsible to anyone but yourself. Dogma is a sin against Eris.
This is just a general outline of things that are revealed in the Principia Discordia. I will place the caveat that not all Discordians will agree with me 100%. In fact, we are encouraged to disagree with each other and start our own cabals. We Discordians must stick apart.

Verily! So much for all that. I will now open the floor to questions.

A little more from CF:

Following in the long Discordian tradition of messing with calenders, here is my official list of holidays for 2008. May Eris be with you every day.

January 1 - New Fool's Day
February 2 - Woodchuck Day
February 14 - Pink Day
March 14 - Pi Day
March 17 - Green Day
March 20 - Flower Day
April 1 - Old Fool's Day
April 20 - Madness Day
May 7 - Papal Unbirthday
June 20 - Sun Day
July 4 - BOOM! Day
September 1 - Unlabor Day
September 22 - Leaf Day
October 31 - BOO! Day
November 1 - UnBOO! Day
November 9 - Second Coming Day
November 27 - Turkey Curse Day
November 28 - Consumer Whore Day
December 21 - Big Broom Day
December 25 - Newton Day
December 31 - New Fool's Eve

Hail Eris!!!

I used to hang out at ChristianForums.com constantly.  I usually hung out in the Creation/Evolution and Non-Christian Religions section and even had a mini-blog there.  I did a total of about 25 entries, but it was a good writing exercise for me.  I've been getting away from that too much lately.  I get too lazy and/or get writer's block and can't work myself out of the funk.  It's one of my bigger flaws lately, but I'm working on it.

Anyways, CF is currently doing some major maintenance on their servers so I though it would be a good idea to copy several of my blog entries over to here so they don't get permanently destroyed.  Here's my first blog entry from September 17, 2007:



I guess if I'm going to start a blog, I should start at the very beginning and explain how I ended up a Discordian and why. Most of this is copied from a PM I sent to DailyBlessings a few weeks ago when he asked me why I am a Discordian. Enjoy.

~first I must sprinkle you with fairydust~

I had first heard about Discordianism from my friend Sean back in late 2005 (around Christmas, I believe). He showed me his copy of Principia Discordia while I was visiting him. I thought that parody religions (like Pastafarianism and Church of the Subgenius) were hilarious so I bought my own copy shortly after this (Stephen Jackson Games verison, btw. Very nice cover art). I read through it and looked at the silly pictures and sayings a few times and then didn't think anything about it. I left my copy on the coffeetable and it started to collect dust.

A few months later a few online friends suggest that I read The Illuminatus Trilogy by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson. I put it on my Amazon wish list and my fiancee (now wife) bought it for my birthday in May 2006. That book flipped a switch in my head (but not in a Tom Cruise-Dianetics sort of way). It was almost like I had been hypnotized my entire life and someone had snapped their fingers to wake me up. I had been Illuminated, if you will. I started questioning absolutely everything in my life. I had already been walking down the path to Agnosticism but this pushed me even further.

(At this point I am supposed to make up a story about ERIS visiting me in my dreams and telling me to consult my pineal gland, but I'll just give you the straight story)

After this I decided to really read the Principia Discordia and saw that there was some seriousness behind all of the silliness. I started seeing that it incorporated a lot of ideas that had been floating around my head for years: Dualism, subjectivism, chaos theory, absurdism. It was almost like the book had been written specifically for me.

No, I don't take the book literally. I don't actually believe that there are goddesses named ERIS and ANERIS, daughters of VOID, that controls all of the Chaos in the universe. However, I do believe that there is a CHAOS force and an ORDER force in the universe. Both of them can be used for creation and destruction. I also believe that there are different ways to interpret the CHAOS and ORDER that we see around us.

I have listed Discordianism as my primary religion because I don't feel like an Agnostic (although that is probably my secondary religion), or an Atheist or a Buddhist. I feel like Discordian describes me best.

Hail Eris!

I swore that I'd never become one of those losers who posts his "darkest inner most thoughts" on LiveJournal.  And yet here I am.  Hopefully I will learn to forgive myself.  I'll probably end up with a fatal case of writer's block now too.  Which is just typical for me...